I’m going to talk to the men right now. A lot of you would love to meet that your sweetheart and be able to live happily ever after. However, the fact is, a lot of men are not ready for this level of commitment. In the words of TLC, “If you don’t have a car and you’re walking. Oh yeah son, I’m talking to you. If you live at home wit’ your momma. Oh yes son, I’m talking to you”
If those lyrics or that song hurts your feelings or makes you angry please keep reading. I’m going to help you better position your life. The point I’m trying to make is that this song was so on point with the steps that every man needs to take before he should even think about trying to find a woman to marry. Furthermore, I don’t believe that any young man should be an an exclusive dating relationship until he is ready to find a wife. (I’ll talk more about that later)
The below steps are my own that I believe every young man should be thinking about before starting any relationship.
Personal Relationship with God
This is the first step. As a Christian you first need to know what God says about you and what you were called to do. If you have not committed yourself to attending a church and serving in a ministry in that church I would consider you as not ready. The reason why this is first is because it speaks to your heart condition towards God. Are you committed to seeking and serving His purposes? In addition to that, you can also find out more about your God given gifts and callings that can assist in helping determine the type of woman you should look for. (Trust me on that one). By understanding your gifts and callings better you are able to put yourself to where you need to be to walk in Gods perfect will for your life. As you walk in Gods perfect will you then put the responsibility of finding the woman of your dreams on God to bring to you. As in Genesis, after God made Eve, He then brought her to Adam. (Gen 2:21-22) If you want God to do this for you then have to be in the right place. You can only be in the right place if you know where he wants you to be. You only know where he wants you to me if you are committed & connected to Him. Hope that logic makes sense.
Accept Responsibility For Yourself and Others
Once you are married, you will then be accountable to God for the well-being of your household. You are responsible to ensure that your family is spiritually, emotionally, physically healthy. There is a huge responsibility put on you to initiate things to happen in your household. You cannot look to your wife to do the things that you are responsible for. I’ll outline those things in a future article.
I think this one is self-explanatory bit I’ll break it down for you. You can’t be in a relationship and it be only about you. If you think that your wife’s only purpose is to serve your needs, then you are totally wrong and misinformed. If you believe this, you are due for a rude awaking. You have to be selfless and think on how you can be a blessing to the other person. I would suggest reading the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmin. This books makes it easy to understand how to communicate with your spouse in a way to they would receive it. Relationships are all about sacrifice. What are you willing to give up for the sake of your wife.
Find Yourself (Spiritual Identity)
This point is closely related to the first step mentioned above (Personal Relationship with God) The reason why you need to find yourself is because you will be able to see who you are compatible with. This is both on the spiritual and practical side of things. Knowing your spiritual calling is extremely important. If you calling is to be part of the worship ministry, overseas missions team, or to preach, each one of those callings come with their own “baggage”. Example a missionary would have to do a lot of travelling. If you are with someone who doesn’t like to travel you can see how this would put a strain on the relationship. Both you and your spouse should enjoy doing certain things together.
Establish Yourself Financially
This one is simple. Life cost money. Not only should you be able to support yourself, but you have to be able to support your spouse. This is a big one. Especially if you decide to have children. When your wife is on maternity leave you have to be able to shoulder the financial responsibility. I’m not saying that you should be making more money than your wife. What I am saying is that you should be strategic with planning your finances and always ensure that you can provide financial security for your household. Try to create multiple streams of income sources so all your eggs are not all in one basket.
Saying ‘no’ to yourself is extremely important. You may find yourself in situations where you have to say no to something for the greater good of your spouse/family. It is an important skill that needs to be developed before you are even in a relationship.
These are just a few of the areas that I believe need to be developed in every young man’s life before they start to peruse any young lady for marriage. This list can probably be larger. Please feel free to add your comments. Let me know if you disagree with anything that I mentioned above. But the ball is in your court. Don’t make any more excuses… only you can make it happen for yourself.
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