This is where I believe most Christian couples drop the ball. Its not good enough that you are in a relationship with another Christian… It is possible that you are unequally yoked to another Christian. Here are a few things to consider.
Ministries that you Serve
Service in any area of your church ministry will come with its additional responsibilities and some are more demanding than others. It’s important to consider all aspects of the ministries that you serve in. Some aspects are time away from home, long distance travel, and other people that you may interact with. An example is if your girlfriend/fiancé’s love language is quality time and you know that you calling is to become an overseas missionary then this would put some strain on the relationship (if she doesn’t have the desire to go with you). Another example is if you serve in the worship ministry in your church. Know that there is huge time commitment weekly and that worship music may be continually playing in your home. Think along these lines and think about how you doing what you were called to do can be frustrating to your partner.
Family & Children
Both of you should be on the same page when it comes to children. Do you both want children? Are you in agreement on how many children you want to try to have? Do you agree with ways to discipline your children? This is one of the biggest challenges for marriages because it is a huge adjustment and can be an emotionally and physically draining time for new parents. The important aspect that needs to be discussed is if you are both in agreement in what you want your family to look like and that you are willing to do the work that is required. This could be a deal breaker if your views are not aligned before you get married but this has to be discussed at some point.
This is one of the biggest pieces of the puzzle. The management of household finances causes the most arguments within relationships. Questions to discuss are how you will approach major purchases (house, car, etc.) Often times it’s not the lack of money that causes arguments, but the mismanagement of money that causes divisions. Also, if one person in the relationship feels like they always have to put off something they want to purchase for the other persons wants.
Before you take the next step into marriage you want to be able to evaluate the person you are going to say “I do“ to so that you can evaluate their personal habits. The only way to do this is by spending time with that person. In the beginning of any relationship, regardless of how hard we try, we always put our best foot forward and don’t show who we really are. Only after time when you begin to get comfortable with that person that you really see who they really are. When pressure situations come about you will see their true character and know if it’s something that you can live with or not.
To sum up this post, the most important thing that will help you determine compatibility is time. Take your time and don’t rush into anything without objectively evaluating your decisions. Make sure that you have someone that you can go to for some objective advise. Don’t get too emotionally involved with this person… If you do it may be hard to hear what the voice of God is saying to you. Finally, do not be sexually intimate with your partner as well. Sex is a gift from God and it will bless you when you keep Gods rules about it and save it for marriage. There are many compatibility quizzes online that you can take. It would also be beneficial that you do some sort of premarital counseling with a pastor or Christian counselor before getting married.
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