Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

These are all character flaws that when left uncontrolled they will damage relationships and escalate conflicts. If you hope to resolve any conflicts with friends, family or church members, these character flaws have to be dealt with in our own life first.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

This is a very simple truth but very hard to follow. When you answer back anyone harshly the conflict will always escalate. It’s not easy, especially when you think you are right, to give a soft reply. But ask the Holy Spirit to help you to do this.

 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. – Matthew 18:15

If you believe that a brother or sister has violated Gods standards this verse gives us the instructions on how to deal with it. Address the sin privately first. If it doesn’t change the behaviour then bring 2 or 3 other wittiness to address the situation with that brother/sister in Christ.

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. – Matthew 7:5

When we have a conflict with another person it’s really easy to see their faults or where they are wrong. The hard thing to do is to examine yourself and see what your fault in that conflicts is? Deal with yourself first and then see if the conflict is resolved.

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. – Proverbs 21:23

It’s challenging at time but someone needs to be the bigger person when there is a conflict. Oftentimes there are certain things that don’t need to be said and you should just hold your tongue so the conflict doesn’t escalate.

“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.”

1 Peter 3:8-9

I mentioned this a bit on the previous verse but someone needs to be the bigger person. Love each other as a family would. It’s a sign of maturity when someone says something to you and instead of trying to get the last word, you hold your tongue in order to de-escalate the conflict. In fact this verse says to bless them instead of throwing back a insult.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. – Romans 12:19-21

Sometimes conflicts between people arise because they are just bad people. In these situations you shouldn’t try to get back at them but leave it in Gods hands. This verse tells us how. Don’t be foolish and allow that person to harm you but try to find opportunities to serve that person and show them the love of Christ. When you do this it will burn them up on the inside. Leave it up to God to deal with the conflict or the injustice that that person did to you.