Marriage Restoration

If you are married and you are experiencing trouble, let this episode help you overcome the challenges that you face.  I would also encourage you to seek competent Christian marriage counseling.  There is power in unity and the family unit is the cornerstone of a successful community. The devil knows this and this is why he is always after marriages.  God also understands and values marriages. He uses your marriage to help you mature spiritually to be more like Christ.  A successful marriage relationship have generational blessings that can follow behind it. 

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8 (NIV)

Our World has a selfish view on love.  From Gods perspective, Love is sacrificial and the opposite of how the world sees it.  God’s love gives and you can say that true love gives to others not expecting anything in return.  In your marriage, as you love your spouse try to love as God loves.  Give your best, whatever your spouse needs from you out of your love like God did when He gave us Jesus and all of the other blessings that you have in your life today.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

Our words should be honest and the actions/motives behind them should reflect the character of Jesus. When dealing with issues in a marriage the goal should always be reconciliation.  When approaching any issues, though they may be tough issues, you should always keep this in mine and your actions should also be in line with this.

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?
Amos 3:3

In this verse, Amos was using a rhetorical question to show how two events can be linked together… I bring up this verse because there has to be agreement on the main issues between both sides in a marriage. A main issue should be your faith in Jesus, and his control over your marriage and family.  Make sure you and your spouse can come to this agreement first before discussing anything else.  Let Jesus be the head of your marriage.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32

When approaching contentious issues in your marriage, If both husband and wife does the following it will be helpful.

  1. Only speak what is helpful for building up and making the marriage stronger.
  2. Allow God to speak through His Holy Spirit. (Don’t let your emotions get in the way)
  3. Do not be bitter against your spouse.
  4. Try to make sure that you are in a calm mind frame when having any discussions with your spouse and if things get heated, take a break.
  5. Don’t spread stories (true or not) to others about your spouse’s short falls. Stay off social media and keep the disagreement in house.
  6. Be compassionate to each other knowing that that your spouse has faults just like you do.
  7. Remember that God forgave you for your all of your faults and you should also forgive your spouse the same way.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galations 6:2

Nobody in a marriage is totally independent and doesn’t need help from their spouse.  As husband and wife we should constantly communicate when we need help and when we see our spouse struggling, we should offer to help willingly.  You and your spouse make up one entity so operating separately does not benefit anyone.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Ephesians 5:21

This is a misunderstood concept. It does not mean becoming a doormat to your spouse.   In a marriage, both husband and wife are called to submit one to another.  For the wife, this means to willingly follow her husbands leadership in Christ Jesus.  For the husband, this means to put aside his own interest for the needs of his wife.  Submission should not be a problem where both spouses have a submitted relationship to Jesus.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22

In my opinion, the bible calls this out in its own verse to give wives a template on how they are to submit to their husbands.  Woman in a relationship with Jesus don’t have much trouble submitting to Jesus, and If their husband has a relationship with Jesus they should submit to him the same way.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Ephesians 5:25    

This verse is also called out for husbands to give them specific direction on how they should love their wives.  Marriage is a holy union and should symbolize the relationship that Jesus has for with the church. Caring for your wife’s needs in a self-sacrificial way can parallel how Jesus cared for our greatest need which was our sin problem.

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

There may be times when a heated discuss may arise (also known as an argument) It’s important to know that because your goal should be restoration, it does no benefit to throw insults back and forth to each other but to get control over your emotions and be a blessing to your spouse.

He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 1 Timothy 3:4

If men are successful at their career and have a prominent status in society, but the relationships in their home are falling apart, this verse says they are not fit for leadership.  (In context 1 Tim 3:1-10)  A men/husbands, the relationships and the order in our home should be our first priority.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4 (NIV)

Women, don’t be so focused on the outward appearance and neglect you character that can be just as attractive as anything that you can do on the outside.  A gentle and quite spirit is of a great worth in Gods sight and it is very precious to your husband as well.  Don’t always fly off the rails with anger at the drop of a hat.

However, each one of you (husbands) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

The main needs that both spouses have are mentioned in this verse.  Husbands need to feel like their wives are respecting them and wives need to feel like they are being loved by their husbands.  This can be done by different methods but at the root of the actions, Respect and love need to be communicated.  I would suggest husbands and wives talk about what this means to them so that there are no gray areas when it comes to showing love and respect.